Another somewhat sleepless night. This time it was due to an intermittent exchange of emails with our new friends in the East. I am very tired and as is sometimes the case in a reflective mood. On the way over to work I was wondering why do I like it so much here, why despite (or perhaps because?) all the grindiest work, my biggest fear is to be sent away. This might be especially pertinent given that it's Israel's independence day, though I've often wondered how independent it actually is, and what does independence mean in today's interconnected world.
I've never really felt at home there, not for any long or meaningful periods anyway. It's not that I feel at home here, either, but I admit that the opportunity to start here anew with a more or less clean slate, like so many before me, is appealing. With so many languages, accents, colors and customs, what's one more?
Last minute update: I've received a new title: manager. I don't actually manage anyone except myself (and I'm not a model employee), but I do have to struggle with multiple projects, tasks and people, and if I survive the day and the company doesn't collapse, you might kinda say I... managed it?
In this regard, weekends are a double edged sword - I do need the rest and some quiet to myself, but too much and I risk cutting the vulnerable few threads I've been able to weave between projects, people, ideas and myself, and then I have to start all over again, lost. Maybe I've just turned workaholic. Maybe I just need a hobby. Or a house plant.
Congrats on the new title, it's good for the resume.
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