Chapter 2: the grind and the refined - Payday

Finally got my first paycheck today; well, two paychecks since I didn't get the previous one. I'm still waiting on the expenses to be reimbursed, so I'm not completely leveled yet, but it's getting there. I just payed the rent for May, so the money is definitely needed.

I just checked and it seems electric bikes are illegal in New Jersey (and New York), or at least they cannot be registered by the DMV. Either way, that means my fantasies about being able to quickly get away from work will have to remain fantasies, or be converted to a sweaty, non-motorized version. I'll ask at the bike shop around the corner; I'm sure they will give me an unbiased answer.

Chapter 2:the grind and the refined- The sounds in my life

I'd say that the first sound of the day would be that of the iPhone alarm, but given my insomnia it's hardly the first. Or, to put it another way, it's not The beginning, but A beginning.*

* special wink to Stephen if he gets the reference. 

But I'm surrounded by voices and sounds in this too quiet building. My shower head makes TARDIS noises (it's either that or the Doctor keeps paying me visits while I'm in the shower). 

The faucet at the kitchen sink sounds like a light saber when it's switched on. 

The photo copying machine outside my office sounds exactly like the transporter sound effects in the old Star Trek TV series. 

The town itself and the people are very quiet, almost subdued. I think this stillness contributes to the feeling of "otherness", of underlying difference. 

I met a neighbor last night and confirmed with her where the rent checks go (a special mail box). She gave me a strange look when I told her I was living on the second floor. Perhaps there is something to the scratches in the wall.

Edit: I forgot, of course, my favorite sounds: emails coming in at 4am.

Chapter 2: the grind and the refined - The hour of the wolf

It's almost 5am and I need to get up. I've been working since around 4am, so I've been unofficially up anyway. I have a call at 7:30 which I could normally take at home, but I need to reinstall the laptop (it's possessed, don't ask) anyway.

The past hour has been amazingly productive, not just with the various contacts and relations with all kinds of East, but to nurture a new headache into the world as well. Still, I finally got responses from people I've been waiting on, so maybe I should just switch to the graveyard shift and be done with it.

Chapter 2: the grind and the refined - The curse of middle management

OK, so perhaps "middle" is jumping the gun a bit in my case. I can barely contain my hubris at this point, my usual hamartia*. So the curse of low management it is then.

* "In Greek tragedy, hamartia** is commonly understood to refer to the protagonist’s error or flaw that leads to a chain of plot actions culminating in a reversal from their good fortune to bad. What qualifies as the error or flaw can include an error resulting from ignorance, an error of judgement, a flaw in character, or sin". - Wikipedia.
** It's also the name of my DK, for obvious reasons. 

The problem now is akin to being in a traffic jam in a city while painfully trying to get to the bathroom. You want to get to your destination as soon as possible and the pressure is high, but you also have to wait for others to move ahead. Attempts at communication might buy you a minute or two in the slightly faster lane, only to discover it was the wrong exit.

What I'm trying to say, using unfamiliar driving analogies, is that my job requires a lot of waiting for colleagues, customers and partners, bursts of activity (testing, writing) and even more pressure from the superiors. This often leads to wondering "what am I missing now?" while waiting for a file to download or a firmware to be prepared, or a colleague to finally forward the materials to we can finally move on with this project or...

In lieu of waiting, I should initiate more, try to anticipate and prepare for future things. On Sunday, however, after I came back from the City, I signed in for a month trial of Netflix. This will be an interesting test of willpower. 

Chapter 2: the grind and the refined: Score one for Capitalism

I'm now on the bus back from the City. You kinda have to capitalize it, it's expected. I went in for a relatively quick visit to two of its hallmarks: museums and shopping.

Till next time

My first destination was the Cloisters, a branch of the Metropolitan uptown that deals with medieval art and architecture. That is, European Christian art, mostly commissioned by and for the ruling classes. Still, it was interesting to see actual artifacts associated with the history covered in my podcasts. I do have to say though, a significant part of the art and religious artifacts was quite morbid. 

The entrance to the Cloisters

The museum is situated in the gorgeous Fort Tryon Park with a view to the Hudson and the City. It was quiet and serene, the City only occasionally intruding with the sounds of not too distant cars. A few locals were jogging in the paths.

A small sample

When I had my fill of crucifixions, I went to Zabar's, a famed deli and bakery, that is perhaps also infamous for its sponsorship ads, particularly of Selected Shorts (a literary podcast). I felt I had no choice and buy their Babka. It's smaller than I had anticipated, but I have yet to taste it. 

Yielding to incessant advertising: check

I didn't go to Walmart yesterday as it turned out they don't have electric bikes outside of the online store. I did find, however, an urban model in a store in Brooklyn, so I may get those once the paycheck rolls in. 

Chapter 2: the grind and the refined - Sushi Saturdays

It is the end of the week and I am unsurprisingly tired. Each day requires a lot of concentration, juggling projects and tasks, doing the small daily routines. Everything is work or work related. I wake up, on my own, at 04:30, just in time for a quick exchange of emails with the East, and then to wonder to myself: get the laptop and get up or maybe to try to get back to sleep.

Tomorrow I'll go to Walmart and try my luck at the bike department and maybe take look around. On Sunday I'll go to the City. There's no use avoiding it anymore.

I've been talking with people about the less glamorous aspects of life here, once the honeymoon period is over and all that is left is work and the immediate family. They say that those who have not sold their soul for the job so that they are totally consumed by it, find themselves bored and strangely lifeless and listless, missing people. They talk of getting a hobby ("if I could just find the time and energy"), of awkwardly meeting with strangers for dinners, of maintaining a work routine that is its own purpose.

I've done the laundry already, so I can start the weekend. After I finish work.

Chapter 2: the grind and the refined - Blurred Trees

Another somewhat sleepless night. This time it was due to an intermittent exchange of emails with our new friends in the East. I am very tired and as is sometimes the case in a reflective mood. On the way over to work I was wondering why do I like it so much here, why despite (or perhaps because?) all the grindiest work, my biggest fear is to be sent away. This might be especially pertinent given that it's Israel's independence day, though I've often wondered how independent it actually is, and what does independence mean in today's interconnected world.

I've never really felt at home there, not for any long or meaningful periods anyway. It's not that I feel at home here, either, but I admit that the opportunity to start here anew with a more or less clean slate, like so many before me, is appealing. With so many languages, accents, colors and customs, what's one more?

Last minute update: I've received a new title: manager. I don't actually manage anyone except myself (and I'm not a model employee), but I do have to struggle with multiple projects, tasks and people, and if I survive the day and the company doesn't collapse, you might kinda say I... managed it?

In this regard, weekends are a double edged sword - I do need the rest and some quiet to myself, but too much and I risk cutting the vulnerable few threads I've been able to weave between projects, people, ideas and myself, and then I have to start all over again, lost. Maybe I've just turned workaholic. Maybe I just need a hobby. Or a house plant.

Chapter 2: the grind and the refined - The Move

So the big office move is happening. I can't say I'm overly thrilled about it, as I'm more than a bit apprehensive about the effect of the salesperson in the room.

The new room - my desk is to the right

It will take some time to move all the equipment, but we're being pressured to finish it by the end of the month as others are going to move into the old room and others still are moving into other room in an elaborate chain reaction.

If that doesn't work out, there is a room in a dungeon-like place, without windows or company, that I'm considering, but I suspect will remain a storage room.

Chapter 2: the grind and the rewind - Color palette

I have to keep track of multiple projects and issues, some of them conflicting with each other, others share some characteristics for a while and then move on, like those proverbial ships in the night. Some particularly nasty ones can't know of each other because they are some sort of extra jealous lovers (or maybe biblical gods), so I have to try and keep them apart. I'm experimenting with Outlook's color categorization which seems like a nice idea in principle. Each topic has its own color, and some emails or conversations can have multiple colors.

For someone who has trouble with colors like me, to put it mildly, this is more complicated. I can see the colors, but somehow distinguishing between them takes a bit of conscious effort. The search options are not too brilliant either, but seem straightforward enough. The categorization itself is very fast.

My back and its chest project still ache. I would have scheduled a doctor's appointment had the health coverage company not been so creative as to call me "Obeb" instead of the name I usually use, so now I have to wait a few more days for that to be corrected. I may have watched too much "House, MD" lately (I know I have), but I'm beginning to fear some sort of infection or inflammation.

My sleep is not completely sound, probably due to stress. On the last few nights I woke up at around 4am and it takes me some time to fall back to sleep. At these times I listen to podcast, and they seem to have a calming effect on me. Also, I now know a bit more about 8th century Mercia and its relation to Charlemagne. 

There are rumors my colleague and myself will be moved to a different office to be shared with a third person. That office is more spacious, but the third man is a salesperson who speaks a lot on the phone. We'll see.

Chapter 2: the grind and the refined- Come at me, bro

The day started with a drizzle on the slightly late bus to work. The night before I stayed up working at home until about 11pm, as we're a convenient 12 hours difference from our contacts in the East. I decided to take a break around 9:30pm to go to the grocery store. The town was quiet and blanketed in a misty haze. I tried taking a picture of it, but there was too much reflection. 

Anyway, this morning on the bus I received one of those disappointment toned emails from my boss. This one was on how we were not "owning" our responsibility and not taking initiative because someone else has suggested we make weekly calls to follow up on some project. 

The thing is, yesterday we sent out an email suggesting exactly that, and he was copied to it. I don't mind being reprimanded for a screw up I'm responsible for and I certainly don't expect any words of encouragement for doing the right thing (I'm not that naive) , but I didn't expect to be at fault for something good. I was quite mad, and though I realize that he had probably just missed my email, the end result was infuriating. 

After some consultation with a colleague, I sent a short polite email correcting the perceived facts. I have no idea if that email was read, but I have a feeling there's going to be some response. 

This was the view as I left work at around 5:45pm. 

I may be a masochist, but I still love it all, grind not withstanding. 

I may have a different problem with the grocery experience, as it's difficult for me to stop loading stuff onto the shopping cart, especially the sweet stuff. I'm still severely underweight, but I'm beginning to worry about diabetes (not to mention the sacred budget). 

Chapter 2: the grind and the refined- Dense fog

Today has been a rather chilly and rainy day, and it is far from over. I'm writing this waiting for the first bus, amd I expect to continue working from home for a bit. 

The schedule and tasks before me are daunting and challenging. I have to remember and pay attention to many details and to learn two new models of cameras and how to interact with them. 

The grind begins. 

Chapter 2: the grind and the refind - A good kitchen knife

It has been a quiet weekend so far. As I mentioned, I did not get a lot of sleep on Friday night, but the new mattress, now subdued and newly used, is proving a significant improvement over the previous one. Whatever reasons may exist for my insomnia, the mattress is no longer one of them.

I checked the bike shop and they had only a single electric model that costs $2400. Needless to say, I did not surrender my credit card on the spot. I've checked online and there are a few options around $700-800, but I'll need to think of it further. When I finally do get a paycheck at the end of the month I should know more, especially as I'll be able to see how the budget, such as it is, works out.

This isn't food blog so I won't get into details, but it seems I have a lot to learn still about how to make a schnitzel. I made a batch and froze it for the rest of the week, but with how they look I'm worried that either they'll slip out of the freezer and wander around the apartment (and you know how reanimated flesh can be when it's not properly supervised) or I end up being reported for postmortem animal abuse. 

My laptop is also starting to give me problems, and while I did get a recommendation for a reliable computer store to get a new one, the budget constraints are pressing here as well.

Tomorrow starts another week and there is much work to be done.

Chapter 2: the grind and the refined- Late night activities

I can't sleep tonight for some reason, so I've decided to do the laundry. What else can you do at 04:30AM?

I plan to go to the bike shop this morning and on the afternoon I expect the new mattress to be shipped in. Hopefully, it will also bring me some sleep.

Update: The mattress has arrived safely and is resting peacefully. The poor thing has a 72 hours recuperation period before it can be used, according to Ikea.  I may have to interrupt its sleep before that for the sake of mine.

It fits!

Chapter 2: the grind and the refined - Thunder

The new work laptop has a cool SSD (solid state drive), which is amazingly fast, so I now get the feeling it's glaring at me, the slow human, as it's waiting for me to primitively type and interact with it. It's always up and ready for work. It makes me feel old.

There's something wrong with my back. I must have sprained something when I carried the luggage when I originally moved out of the apartment about three weeks ago. I can feel there's a knot of tight muscles there, but I can't do anything to release the tension on my own. Constantly carrying the laptop to and back from work and sleeping on the not so suitable mattress isn't helping either, I'm sure. I don't feel it all the time, but when I go to sleep or try to make certain movements, or even when I breath deeply, there's pain, some of it projecting to the chest area. I'll set up a doctor's appointment, now that I can, and see what he thinks.

Both tenant's insurance quotes I got were over $200, so I think I'll go without one for now. It does not appear to be a mandatory item. I got the secured credit card yesterday, so I can start creating some credit history, maybe a world record or two.

It's a dark gray day outside, but it's Friday; the weekend is almost upon us.

Chapter 2: the grind and the refined- early routine

I know you spoiled people have been getting used to a daily update, but I think that as I slowly get into some kind of routine and my life resume their usual boredom and tediousness I'll end up writing less.

I was busy today writing and updating a long test document, and I'm not done yet. I also received a new and shiny work laptop, which should prove to be a better  working experience. 

I'm beginning to recognize familiar faces among the bus passengers, which is an interesting anthropological experience in itself. 

This weekend I plan to do laundry and go to the bike shop to see what options I have. I'm also going to try a new fish recipe tonight. We'll see how that turns out.

Edit: The fish (Swai, a kind of a Vietnamese cat fish) turned out not bad at all, but we'll see how the night goes.

Broiled Swai with mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes

Chapter 2: the grind and the refined - Mr. Blue Sky

I'm sitting at the office, swamped with work, some of it I can't quite do yet, and looking out the window (a new concept in my work life). I'm listening to my favorite station on Spotify, a particularly calm, somewhat avant-garde and semi-instrumental station based on Peter Broderick. Things are very quiet at the office this week as most of management is off at an important show. I feel tired, as I had to get up early for a call with the East that never materialized, but also calm, content, almost... happy?

I do not know how long this will last. I worry about the future, about what will happen next year or in two more years. I worry about how I'll do at my job, what kind of meaning I'll find or bring into my life, why I had to travel thousands of miles to feel at home and yet remain a stranger. I worry I'm talking with colleagues without knowing their names, and that I'll be misunderstood when I make a phone call (does my 'V' really sound like a 'Z'?).

My fears about coming to this place have not materialized (yet), though things are different than what I had expected. Or, maybe, I'm not exactly as I had expected myself to be.

I do not know how long it will last, but I have changed my address in the Facebook account. I don't know why it should carry any meaning or significance to me as I barely use the damned thing, but it does.

Chapter 2: the grind and the refined - I find your lack of tea spoons disturbing

This is a bit of a rant, but what is it with no tea spoons at the kitchen? How am I supposed to stir the tea with these straw-like, thin plastic stir sticks? I'm not even going to comment on the taste of the water, which may or may not be inspired by the suspicious material of the disposable cup. Note to self: buy and bring to work a reusable, personal tea cup.

And another thing: how is it that in over 230 years of history the urban planners have found so few worthy street names that each town has basically the same streets only with a (sometimes) different layout? Must every street be an "avenue"? Must every avenue be "Broad" or "Main" or one of a select few options available street names? Not only can it be confusing as you go from town to town, but it makes you wonder why is so much of the rich and diverse history and culture of the US not represented in its immediate urban geography. Why no Jefferson or Whitman, Thoreau (there is an Emerson street nearby) or King? Maybe I just live in a dull area.

Chapter 2: The grind and the refined- Let's get started, shall we?

[written on the bus on the way to work]: I've received the social security number and a check book by mail yesterday. This means I can pay rent and be able to receive the paycheck to pay the rent with. I can now also set a doctor's appointment, if I need one. 

I still don't have a workable setup at work, but something would need to be in place if I am to do any meaningful work. 

I'm feeling familiar enough with the way to and from work to stop using the navigation app, though it's too early yet to read. Podcasts it is, then. 

Chapter 1: Arrival- There's work to be done... Somehow

I'm writing this from work, at the middle of the first day. I got to work by bus, trying it out. I took the 07:30 bus, arriving at about 08:25 to work. 

I still don't have a working computer, so I'm more or less limited to emails and what little my own laptop can do. I've started running the expenses report, with the inevitable office hurdles. 

The tenants insurance quote I got was too high, so I'll need to try another company. 

It still feels strange being here and I wonder how long that feeling will last. It's not the language or the people, I think, but a sort of sense of the place and how I fit in it. I don't want to feel like a guest or a visitor, so something in me needs to change. 

Edit: I checked the building at work and there does seem to be a secure place to park bicycles, though unofficially. There's no known official building policy regarding bikes, but the guard in the lobby approved it. 

Chapter 1: Arrival - A lazy Sunday

A lazy Sunday usually means an extra busy Monday, though today wasn't completely wasted. I've assembled the sofa, and in less time and pain than I had dreaded. It's a sofa-bed, so I can now support guests!*

*Limited time offer. First come-first serve. Amenities, bed sheets and TV not included. Please consult your doctor before approaching the sofa or any other kind of "furniture". Liability? You've got to be kidding!

It's a sofa-bed next to a floor lamp

Meet the neighbors: the school yard next door:

Baseball and stuff

Chapter 1: Arrival- Working on the Sabbath

Another shopping and bus hopping day has left me very tired, and I did not have a good night sleep to begin with due to the skimpy excuse of a blanket I had and the twin-instead-of-full mattress. This meant, of course, another visit to Ikea to get a worthy blanket (will test it tonight), a chair for the desk I previously forgot to get, and floor lamp to bring some light into my life. I bought and exchanged a larger mattress, but it will only be delivered next Saturday, so I'll have to make do with this one for now. I've also completed assembling the desk. This just leaves putting the sofa together, though I'm rather inclined leaving this dubious honor to the first unlucky visitor. It's either that or rent. You decide.

It just needs a proper PC to work with. Alas, I ran out of money.

There's a bicycle shop around the corner that has a sale going on. I need to see where to store the bicycle at work and then, maybe, go for it. However, given the scale of expenses I had this month, this and getting a proper PC may have to wait for next month. I do believe I've covered the major shopping needs for now, so it will be just food and occasional maintenance item from now on.

Chapter 1: Arrival - Endless Shopping

It's early evening of my first day at the apartment and I am tired. I've cooked lunch and am currently cooking supper (my famed garlic-free pasta). I've also, quite conveniently, assembled the dinner table, so I would not feel wholly barbaric.

Pasta, cooking

The other mess, taken from a 19th century impressionist painter

I believe I mentioned the unfortunate business with the mattress (a twin size instead of full). I may go to Ikea tomorrow to get some lighting, a blanket and perhaps resolve that issue as well. I've also started working on assembling the desk.  

Something here just doesn't seem to fit

Edit: I still don't put enough salt in my pasta, but it's edible. 

Chapter 1: Arrival - The Kobayashi Maru

I'm still trying to address the aforementioned "boo boo" as I am required to "take ownership" over the process. To do that, I need to receive clarifications regarding a cryptic and somewhat alarmist email from a junior developer. His supervisors say he cannot accurately provide feedback as he needs guidance (he's new at his job), but those same superiors won't be there to address it until Monday, a day too late as far as I am concerned. So I'm stuck with a seemingly impossible situation trying to get feedback from junior (that according to his superiors isn't fully valid without proper guidance) so the issue, if it even exists, will be resolved by Monday. I'll have to resort to using the sling shot around the sun maneuver...

I am moving into the apartment today. I spent a few hours yesterday constructing an Ikea chair and now fully regret having not payed the assembly fee for all of the furniture (instead of just for the bed). The mattress I've received (and ordered, it seems) is of Twin size instead of full size, so I've asked for a replacement (a more costly one, of course). It looks a little weird, but I should be able to rough it for a few days. I'll do additional shopping and try cooking later. I also need a standing lamp, but the thought of another trip to Ikea is unappealing at best.

I can sit on it and it doesn't immediately fall apart

A "sunny" day in Tenafly

I've briefly tested the internet connection at the apartment for the Azeroth connection and the latency appears to be around 100ms when connected with a cable and about 250ms on wifi. I suppose it will have to do.

Chapter 1: Arrival - I made a boo boo

It was bound to happen sooner or later, so why not sooner and in a more embarrassing way? I'm pretty preoccupied these days with settling in so the actual work is secondary. And so it came to pass that in addition to the whole holiday thing going on and people not being at the office, I'm also traveling and investing time in buses and basic supplies shopping rather than keeping track of things as I should. So I assumed too much and relied on people to do their job and forward information instead of pressing for it.

I did get some information this morning before an important syn call. As the information was partial, it only added to the sense of confusion and disarray. This is not the kind of first impression I was looking to make. As the holiday is still going on and people are hard to reach, it'll be difficult to address this, but I have to somehow. 

I'm supposed to get the furniture in the afternoon, so I hope things go smoother there.

Chapter 1: Arrival - Almost there (?)

As I mentioned in the previous post, today is a very cold and windy day, which makes trekking around the greater Bergen county doing various chores something of a challenge. Nevertheless, I got some things done today: the social security card should be delivered in a few days, I paid a visit to the bank (again - they sent a weird taxation related letter I wanted to clear up with them) and finally I went to the North Bergen Wallmart for some basic stuff for the apartment.

It's a start

I've also talked to the insurance regarding tenant's insurance and I continue to hesitate regarding the right health coverage program. To my shame and great discomfort I also avoided work today as well (besides a short visit). I don't have a PC or a workstation there yet, and I'm not sure there's anything I can do right now, but I still don't like the apparent slacking I may project (though my days are full and long doing the settling in tasks).

The furniture from Ikea will be delivered tomorrow (no exact time yet), so I should be able to check out of the hotel on Friday morning. Then I'll do some supplementary shopping on the Stop & Shop (plus lamps to bring some light) and that should be that. I'm sure I'm missing something, but I don't know what yet.

Chapter 1: Arrival - The value of a good coat

I'm writing this from the bus back from the Social Security office. It's very cold and windy. My Social Security card is expected to arrive in about 2 weeks. 

The bus driver is undergoing some kind of a test, which is kinda interesting to follow. 

I checked Ikea online and they don't ship lamps, so I may have to go back there again, something I'd rather not do. I'll check for alternative shops. 

I woke up at 3 am again today, this time without the benefit of a fire alarm. It's probably jetlag or stress starting to build after the initial rush of the first two days. 

Chapter 1 - Arrival - Connecting...

I've set up the internet connection today, and though I did not run it through extensive testing, the speedtest check I ran was promising. I've also started doing the healthcare coverage bureaucracy, which is as mind numbing and inexplicable as you might imagine. I do not understand the healthcare system here.

My visit today to the apartment has also shown that I'd better get some lamps or it will be life in the dark for me. I'm also at a loss as to how to use the thermostat to regulate the rooms' temperature, but I hope to figure that one soon. I've also had the first visit to the local grocer store and it seems fine.

Tomorrow I'll go and apply for the social security number and I also need to do the tenant's insurance.

The hours I've logged in today on the public transport were OK, but I admit that without the apps to navigate with I'd be completely lost within seconds. I suppose familiarity with places will come in time (it had better; my sense of navigation is not likely to improve).

Chapter 1: Arrival - Breaking News

It's 03:14 and there's a fire alarm going off at the hotel. I'd be very surprised if you haven't heard it as well considering how loud it is. Everyone is down and outside of the hotel, hoping it's just a drill.  The 2 fire trucks at the parking lot do not bode well though. 

I took with me a bag, leaving the suitcases to fend for themselves. I hope it doesn't take too long for this to end so I could get back to my sleepless night. 

More as things develop...

Ten minutes later: false alarm. Back to bed. 

Chapter 1 - Arrival - A rather long day

Today has been a rather long day. It began, as is custom, as a yesterday; the day I boarded the flight across the Atlantic. The flight itself was uneventful and I even managed to catch a few hours sleep thanks to the anti-cold pill I took. The latter half of the flight was sleepless though, and consisted mainly of turning from this side to the other and sometimes from that side to the next. Flying with a cold had an additional bonus effect as we descended for landing my ears felt like they were about to explode. Fortunately for me and the passengers besides me, they held on. As we landed just after 4 AM, we had to wait a bit for the airport to feel prepared enough to receive us.

After an unceremonious welcome at Immigration, I got to the hotel to shower and change. A couple of hours later I went to the bank and ordered a credit card, debit card and some checks. I also spoke with the internet people who will come tomorrow afternoon. After that, I got to the apartment and got its various keys.

For some odd reason I strove to be efficient with my time and after a few mini adventures on the roads* got to Ikea. For the record, it is not a good idea to get to Ikea when you're jet lagged, dead tired and have no sense for internal design whatsoever. After a few rounds I gave up and ordered for picking and (some) assembly for the items I selected beforehand. Whatever was missed will be ordered online. I'm in no shopping mood and walking around that place seemed more alien to me than a few other experienced I had earlier today. Sleep deprivation is not very conductive to shopping. Or fun.

I'll pop by work tomorrow morning for some bureaucracies and then head to the apartment to entertain the internet people. Maybe I should get a cat or something.

* So far the public transportation is adequate. There is some waiting around, but the monthly pass seems very useful. 

Prologue - The Nile

What is it with rivers, anyway? Some stream subversively below the surface, trying to reach a destination only they can envision. Others take a more direct approach and drown those who would cross them, taking them to the shadowy depths to be never seen again. 

I'm sure there was an analogy there somewhere. Maybe it was caught in the swell as well. Or maybe it was a metaphor?...

My point is that right now I can't hear anything but the thunder of the stream and can't see or experience anything except the white foam and deep currents, overwhelming in their intensity and omni-presence. 

So I turn away from the water to face the sleek and high walls of the bank besides me. It's all white and clean and empty. It is bypassing the river's essence in favor of silence and forgetfulnes, of calm and stillness and immobility. It is ignoring reality in its full force and effect in favor of a sheltered, commuted, easily digestible lie. 

I yearn to rest awhile on the slippery bank, to avoid the greater purpose I profess to seek. Perhaps if I can sit here for just a few moments the river will calm itself or turn into a wide meadow or will somehow teach me how to swim. 

But no. The river is seemingly all encompassing, it's wild and will heed no one and no thing. It rushes and gushes, sending foamy tendrils up the bank to grasp me, to have its cold water go over, shake and wake me up. 

What is it with rivers, anyway?

Prologue - a tearjerker

I've had this song playing in my head these past few days. No idea why.




Namárië.

Prologue - Jitters

I'm writing this on the eve of an important journey, a trip towards that undiscovered country. For all I know, it may end tomorrow in a plane crash over the Atlantic Ocean (let's be realistic for a moment here), but, somber thoughts aside, and with a little bit of defying fate, I don't think it will.

This trip is, in a way, about defying fate and doing the unexpected. Doing what I don't expect of myself, but others seem to think I can and should do, quite inexplicably.  It is a good thing I do not believe in fate (though it does kind of ruins the opening premise of this paragraph).

It's been suggested to me that I should write a blog to document this journey into the west and my adventures there, and it does seem like a good idea. I just hope that not unlike the trip, I'll make good on it and keep it updated.

Although my mind is set and I have (vague) plans regarding this future, I'm not without doubts. Of course, I'm never without doubts. I consider doubt to be a healthy and necessary thing. Being confident is not to be without doubt just like being brave does not mean you are not afraid. It just means you have faced your doubts and fears and have come to a sort of understanding with them. I can't say I have reached that desired understanding myself, but the negotiations are still ongoing.

 The purpose of this trip is to experience life. It is not that there is no life here to experience that I have to go halfway around the world for it, but that it has given me the opportunity to decide to want to seek that experience, to dare, to try, to experiment, to leave behind old things, to move on.

My first objective, after settling into the new apartment and performing the necessary rituals of the local bureaucracy, is to fill the enormous gap in my professional knowledge and skills that are to be required for work. The new position comes with a lot of responsibility and I'm determined to do the best I can there. I'll make plenty of mistakes there; I already have. But I need to learn from those mistakes and try to anticipate the next ones.

The next few days to a week will be dedicated to settling in and creating a sort of a base of operations. Some would call it "home"; perhaps I will too in time. So, the plan is getting a credit card, getting the keys to the apartment, furniture from Ikea, getting much needed internet to maintain my connection with Azeroth and that small, strange place in the East and more, and that's just the first day. Who knows what I'll be able to do when I eventually snap out of the inevitable jet lag?

I don't know, but I'd like to find out.